Within The Temple: A Testimony of Healing, Faith, and Calling

Welcome, fellow children of God. This is my testimony of healing.

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How I Started the Blog

I didn’t plan to start a blog. Within The Temple is actually my third attempt at one, because when I first started, I was running blindly in the dark. I wanted it to be a testimony of healing, but in the beginning I didn’t expect to include God. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was afraid of what others would think.

I didn’t feel qualified, equipped, or brave enough to share my story publicly. I knew I wanted something about wellness, but “wellness rooted in worship” is a new idea that was put upon me.

As you’ll learn if you haven’t already, when God calls you to something – especially healing work – He doesn’t wait for you to feel ready. He starts with your surrender. It took some time for me to understand that and learn how to do it properly.

Did I surrender in the beginning? No – not the way I needed to. I fought it, even though I knew it was what I needed to do. Why? Because I didn’t feel ready, so I told myself to just start the blog, but without sharing my testimony of healing. I was going to beat around the bush, and keep my secrets to myself.

A Battle of the Flesh

I was so deep in emotional and mental pain, it was unreal. All I could see around me and feel inside of me was darkness. I felt doomed, forgotten, and ready to give up. I was ready to quit.

Then I found Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Now you might be thinking, Arnold Schwarzenegger? Like “The Terminator” guy? Are you serious?

Yes, I’m serious.

I found his documentary “Arnold” on Netflix one day by accident (I didn’t even want to watch it); someone was watching it in the living room. Out of boredom and a defeated there’s-nothing-better-to-do-anyway mindset, I sat down and began watching the documentary.

Thank God I did!

The Realization

It took only five minutes for me to become consumed by his words, his story, and his mindset – I started to see the significant abilities of this man, and the knowledge he held.

“Be useful!” he says. “But more importantly, I have a rule: no complaining about a situation unless you’re prepared to do something to make it better. If you see a problem and you don’t come to the table with a potential solution, I don’t want to hear your whining about how bad it is. It couldn’t be that bad if it hasn’t motivated you to try to fix it.”

Those words hit me like a brick in the face.

How humiliating to think I’d been whining about my situation without any real action. Arnold was right – I needed to stop whining, and start doing! I could create change, I just needed to try harder and dig deeper. The pain I was in didn’t have to continue, I was causing it to carry on because I wouldn’t let it go. “Don’t be a victim,” he said.

It was then that I began to change my entire mindset, and my first blog was born.

[His book, Be Useful: 7 Tools for Life is a complete game changer that I highly recommend you read. It isn’t Christ-centered, but for some good life lessons and advice, I really recommend it.]

Failure in the Beginning

Yes – like many others, when I heard what God had planned for me I got a little too excited. I jumped into things before I was ready and knew what I was supposed to be doing. As you can imagine, things didn’t work out. My first blog, Red Admiral (because I love butterflies and what the Red Admiral symbolized), was a total flop!

For a second time, I tried. I still didn’t have a full idea of my purpose or who I’d need to talk to and about what, but I tried a different route and hoped it would succeed. The second time I used my name for the blog because I couldn’t figure out who my audience was to determine my exact niche. I wanted wellness and self care, but the way I went about it just felt selfish.

Again, it didn’t work out.

I could feel that this was something I needed to do (to share my testimony of healing), but I didn’t have all of the answers. Why? Because I wouldn’t sit still long enough to hear Him tell me.

Finally Feeling Solid

Why? Because after pausing and sitting still for several months, I finally heard what God was telling me to do, and rather than beating around the bush and trying to hide what I’d been through, I began doing what He wanted.

I was so nervous about starting a blog about my healing journey. I knew I’d need to share my stories to show I could relate and that I learned something, but I was embarrassed. My biggest fear was having the wrong person to read something I’d said and cause issues. I didn’t want to start waves.

It’s amazing what can happen when you finally begin to listen to what God has to say!

But, I’ll be the first to admit that figuring out how to let go and trust God can be difficult, especially in the beginning. As Joyce Myers likes to say, “baby Christians” can often struggle with things that more “advanced” or aged Christians are able to do second nature. That doesn’t make baby Christians bad Christians, it just means they require more attention. There’s no shame in that.

We’re All Children in His Eyes

Have you ever worked somewhere that you needed to be trained in nearly every aspect of the job? Well, this is no different. Or maybe you’ve been the one doing the training. Either way, you’ve likely noticed how big a gap there can be in knowledge and confidence between the trainer and trainee. But that doesn’t mean the trainee is incapable — it just means they haven’t learned yet; they need time and guidance. 

If you have to teach someone who is new to the job, it doesn’t make them stupid or mean you’re better than them — it just means you’ve walked the road a little longer. You’ve made mistakes, learned lessons, and figured out how things work. That experience becomes wisdom you can share to help others succeed. 

Learning to listen to God and recognize His voice works similarly for baby Christians. It takes time, patience, and intentionality. In the beginning, you might question if it’s really Him that you’re hearing. You might wrestle with fear, confusion, or doubt. But with spiritual training — through reading the Word, prayer, and being mentored by others further along in their walk with God — that trust muscle begins to grow. 

Give Yourself Time

We’re not meant to figure it all out alone. God is patient with us, and He often places people in our path to help guide us as we learn to walk in faith. And the beautiful thing is, no matter where you’re starting from, God will meet you there — and gently lead you forward. 

Now, let me give a brief story from my testimony of healing.

Hebrews 5:13-14 (NEV) reads, “For everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.” 

Ask God to help you grow from where you are today. Whether you’re just beginning or building spiritual muscle, He’s not rushing you — He’s training you. You don’t need to feel the need to copy others and pretend to be somewhere you aren’t. Take your time and learn with Him by your side.

My Testimony of Healing: How God Carried Me Through Betrayal and Brokenness

It’s embarrassing to look back at some of the things I did before I really felt God in my life. Before my blog was born, I was miserable. We often hear the phrase “God can heal anything,” but when you’re the one in the pit — heart shattered, trust destroyed, and hope barely hanging on or even non-existent — it can feel impossible to believe.

You can feel so alone; left to carry the weight of it all, all while knowing you aren’t strong enough. You’ll walk around knowing it’ll eventually crush you if something doesn’t give, only wondering when.

This is my testimony of healing. It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s living proof that God truly restores when we allow Him to. Not overnight, of course, and not always in the way we imagined. But fully, deeply, and in His time. And there’s no better time than His time.

A few years ago, I was broken. A woman had intentionally inserted herself into my relationship — one I’d been in for three years — and everything came crashing down. She knew we were together. She knew what she was doing. And she did it anyway.

What’s worse is that she never apologized, even to this day. She’s never taken accountability for her actions. She mocked me, said it didn’t matter because she “didn’t know me,” (as if that somehow made the pain she caused disappear), and laughed at my pain.

At the time, my boyfriend was the only steady thing I had in my life. Everything else around me was falling apart — my stepdad was toxic and abusive, my mom didn’t seem to care, I was kicked out just for seeing family I’d been ripped away from, and I had nothing to my name. So when this happened, it didn’t just break my heart — it cracked my foundation. It tore me apart completely. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t even want to exist.

Choosing to Forgive Without Closure

I used to think I couldn’t forgive until I got an apology. Until she said, “I was wrong,” or even just acknowledged that what she did hurt me. But that day never came. No apology. No accountability. Just laughter and dismissal — as if my pain was a joke. She looked me in the face and said she did it because she “didn’t know me,” like that somehow erased the intentional destruction of my relationship.

At first, I held on to my anger because it felt like all I had left. It made me feel in control when everything else had fallen apart. But over time, the anger stopped protecting me — it started poisoning me. Every time I saw her car, every time a memory flashed in my mind, it was like I was being stabbed all over again. I couldn’t breathe, and I couldn’t move on. I was stuck. But this is a testimony of healing…

That’s when God gently whispered to my heart:
You don’t need her to free you. You only need Me.

He showed me that forgiveness isn’t about excusing what someone did. It’s not about pretending the pain wasn’t real or acting like we were never wounded. Forgiveness is about freedom — my freedom. It’s about releasing the grip that pain had on my life and putting it into His hands instead.

But I won’t lie and say it was easy.

Praying for someone who hurt you feels impossible at first. In the beginning, I couldn’t even say her name. I’d sit in silence, tears running down my face, whispering, “God… help me.” And that was enough. He already knew, because he could see my pain. He never needed a full speech from me — just surrender.

Over time, I started praying more specifically. Not because she deserved my prayers, but because I wanted to be free. I didn’t want her to have that much control over my heart anymore. I didn’t want to be haunted by the bitterness every time her name came up. There was no way I could live while being tied to what happened forever.

So I forgave — without closure, without apology, without justice in the way I imagined.
I forgave because Jesus forgave me first. And He never asked me to wait for an apology before extending grace.

Was it instant? No. Some days, I still had to choose it again. But that choice, over time, turned into peace. It turned into my testimony of healing. And it opened the door for God to begin restoring what had been broken — starting with me.

If this post and my testimony of healing resonated with you, I’d love to pray for you. Please leave a comment or reach out. And be sure to check out more on the blog for stories of healing, faith, and restoration.