How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You Deeply: Strength, Freedom, and Faith

For the month of April, we are deep diving into a life-changing series on a topic that touches every single one of us: how to forgive someone who hurt you deeply. I am so excited for this series!

Over the next few posts, we’re going to peel back the layers on:

• What forgiveness is vs. what it isn’t.
• Why it’s vital for your spiritual health.
• The biblical mandate for letting go.
• Practical steps to find freedom.
• How the enemy uses your pain as a legal foothold.

Before we dive into the “how-to,” I want you to pause and reflect on your own life. Have you ever had a moment where someone hurt you so deeply that you just kept replaying it over and over in your head? It’s like a movie you never bought a ticket for, but it plays on a loop in your mind. It’s like a TV sitting in the corner of your room, but you can’t turn it off or turn the volume down. You try to make sense of it, trying to understand why it happened, or maybe even wishing you could go back and say something different.

Maybe you’ve even said the words, “I forgive them,” but deep down, you still feel that tension. There’s a lingering frustration or a heavy ache sitting in your chest. It’s like the pain didn’t fully leave—it just got quieter or easier to ignore on occasion. If you’ve felt that pain, you aren’t alone, and you aren’t failing. You’re just in the middle of a process.

The Illusion of Distance and Time

A lot of people live with unresolved hurt for years and don’t even realize it. There’s a common lie that “time heals all wounds.” But the truth is, time doesn’t heal; it just buries. We think that because we are no longer in that situation or because years have passed, we’ve moved on.

However, distance doesn’t always equal healing. Sometimes it just creates space where the pain can quietly linger without being addressed. You might think you’re over it until you hear their name and your mood shifts instantly. Or perhaps your body tenses up when you pass a certain location.

That’s exactly why we’re walking through this together. If we don’t truly understand how to forgive someone who hurt us deeply, we end up stuck in cycles we were never meant to live in. These are cycles of overthinking, guardedness, and emotional exhaustion. We start building walls—not just against the person who hurt us, but against everyone else, too. Eventually, those walls even start to block our view of God.

When Walls Affect Your Relationship with God

When your heart is full of hurt and resentment, it becomes harder to fully trust, to fully surrender, and to fully experience the peace that God is offering you. I know this because it was my reality for several years. I thought I had moved on, but I was just carrying the weight differently. It wasn’t as loud as it used to be, but it was still there, shaping how I reacted to the world.

This wasn’t a “microwave” healing. I didn’t wake up one day and suddenly feel 100% fine. It was a long, often frustrating process. There were moments where I thought I had made progress, only to realize later that I still had more work to do.

If you feel like you keep circling back to the same emotions, please hear me: That doesn’t mean you’re failing at forgiving or being who God called you to be. It just means God is still working on your heart, and that the hurt was deeper than you might have realized. God is a gentle Physician, and He knows exactly how to peel back the layers of your heart without breaking you. Sometimes it takes a while.

The Weight You Weren’t Meant to Carry

Before I really understood the biblical power of forgiveness, I was carrying so much weight every single day. I didn’t realize how heavy it was until it started affecting my mood, my thoughts, and my irritation levels. I was “tired” all the time, but it wasn’t a lack of sleep—it was a soul-weariness.

On the other side of learning how to forgive someone who hurt you deeply, there is a lightness to my life that I never thought possible. I still face hard things. People still do annoying or hurtful things. But the difference is that those things don’t own me anymore.

Forgiveness gives you peace and clarity. It doesn’t mean life becomes perfect, but it means you respond differently. You don’t let the hurt take root in your heart like it used to. This is a journey of learning to give forgiveness to others just as much as we learn to receive it for ourselves.

The Struggle to Receive Forgiveness

Something we don’t talk about enough is how hard it can be to receive forgiveness. Sometimes we hold onto guilt and shame so tightly that even when God has cleared our record, we refuse to forgive ourselves. We keep replaying our mistakes, punishing ourselves to make sure we suffer “long enough” before we feel worthy of grace.

But that’s not what God calls us to do. I want you to ask yourself: Are you struggling more to forgive others, or to accept forgiveness for yourself? Don’t rush past that question. Sit with it.

Whatever your answer is, bring it to God. You cannot heal what you won’t acknowledge. The first step to healing is admitting that there is a spot in your life that needs work. Whether it’s a grudge against a friend or a deep-seated shame about your own past, God wants to meet you in that honesty.

Why Do We Resist Forgiveness?

The Bible talks extensively about forgiveness, yet it’s something a huge portion of Christians struggle with. Many resist it because it feels “unfair.” It feels like you’re letting someone “get away” with their behavior. You might be afraid that if you forgive, you’re saying what they did didn’t matter.

Sometimes it’s pride, sometimes it’s pure pain, and sometimes it’s just a misunderstanding of what forgiveness actually is. But whatever the reason, that resistance keeps you stuck—and that’s exactly where the enemy wants you.

When you’re stuck in unforgiveness, you’re distracted. You’re emotionally drained. You’re focused on the past instead of where God is trying to take you. The longer you stay in that pain, the more “normal” it starts to feel, until bitterness becomes your default setting. You don’t realize how much it’s costing you until you finally let it go.

The New Covenant Standard

In the Old Testament, we see many prayers for justice—sometimes even asking God to break the teeth of enemies! But in the New Testament, Jesus introduced a radical shift. In Matthew 5:38-39, He says:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”

Let’s bring this into real life. Turning the other cheek doesn’t mean becoming a doormat. It means choosing not to respond with the same kind of hurt that was given to you. It means letting go of your “right” to revenge.

It looks like staying calm when someone speaks harshly, or choosing not to gossip about someone who wronged you. This isn’t weakness; it is serious strength and self-control. It’s a strength that doesn’t come from your flesh—it comes from the Holy Spirit.

The Strength of Surrender

Your natural human reaction is to defend yourself, to protect your image, and to hit back. Choosing peace instead of retaliation takes a different kind of strength—the strength of surrender. Jesus isn’t just telling us to forgive; He’s challenging us to have a heart that is willing to help those who have wronged us.

I know that might leave a sour taste in your mouth. Helping someone who hurt you? It sounds impossible. But this is coming straight from Jesus. It’s a marker of how close we want to be to Him.

Growth doesn’t happen in comfort; it happens in the “stretch.” Forgiveness stretches you. It challenges every fiber of your ego. But it also transforms you into the image of Christ more than almost any other spiritual discipline.

The Connection to Our Own Forgiveness

This is the part that we really need to sit with. Matthew 6:14-15 tells us:

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

That is not a suggestion; it’s a direct instruction. There is a spiritual connection between how we treat others and our own standing before God. If we are holding grudges and refusing to offer grace, why should we expect God to offer us the same?

If someone asks for your forgiveness and you deny them, is that not a bit hypocritical? We are all sinners in need of a Savior. To receive the ocean of God’s grace while refusing to give a drop of it to someone else is a dangerous place to be.

A Practical Homework Challenge

I don’t want to risk losing the peace of God’s grace just to hold a grudge against someone who—honestly—might not even care that I’m upset. Sometimes we give so much emotional energy to people who aren’t thinking about us at all. They are out living their lives while we are trapped in a mental prison of our own making.

I want to give you some homework. Go read your Bible today. Look at keywords like forgiveness, grace, pride, mercy, and reconciliation. Write this down in a journal: “Who am I struggling to forgive—and why?”

Be honest. Don’t try to sound “Christian enough.” Just be real. I realized I was expecting 100% grace from God but giving 0% to others. When I looked at that, it didn’t sit right. It forced me to step out of a victim mindset and look at my own heart.

The Pride of Unforgiveness

Here is a “bug” I want to put in your ear for later: Refusing to forgive is actually an act of pride. I once read a blog by Phil Auxier where he explained it perfectly. When we don’t offer forgiveness, we are essentially saying: “You haven’t just offended God; you’ve offended ME. And I am so important that God’s grace isn’t enough to cover what you did to me. I need more. I deserve more.”

A humble believer recognizes the enormity of their own debt that Christ has already paid. Compared to what we’ve been forgiven for, the offenses others commit against us are small. A humble heart grants forgiveness because it knows it has been granted much more. We don’t want to get caught in the claws of pride.

Misconceptions: What Forgiveness Is NOT

There are so many lies floating around about forgiveness. Many people think forgiveness is for the offender—a way to let them off the hook. It’s not.

• Forgiveness is NOT saying what they did was okay.
• Forgiveness is NOT a requirement to stay in a relationship. You can forgive someone and still maintain a boundary for your safety.
• Forgiveness is NOT a feeling. it is a decision. [I hear some people say otherwise, but they usually aren’t Christian and usually have the wrong idea about forgiveness, who it’s for, and when to give it. Do NOT listen to them. Relying on feelings is not what God calls us to do.]

Forgiving someone is you saying, “I will no longer let this pain or this person determine my happiness. I’m moving on because I know God has something greater for me. God will handle it.” It is an act of taking your power back from the person who hurt you, and giving power to God—the One who can make real change.

The Enemy’s Role in Your Unforgiveness

The enemy loves it when you stay angry. It makes you easy to control and easy to stumble. Colossians 3:13 tells us to forgive as the Lord forgave us. When we don’t, we are in direct disobedience.

1 Peter 2:1 tells us to rid ourselves of all malice, deceit, and hypocrisy. When you refuse to forgive, are you harboring malice? Are you wishing for their downfall? If so, you are creating a dark spot in your own soul.

I learned this the hard way back in 2020. I moved out of a toxic home situation and felt incredibly betrayed. I held onto every insult and every crossed boundary. I thought moving away would heal me, but I carried the “toxic situation” inside my heart. My heart began to harden, and I couldn’t even sleep at night because my mind was replaying the trauma on a loop.

From a Heart of Stone to a Heart of Flesh

I was stuck until I truly sought the Lord. Ezekiel 36:26 says:

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

That is exactly what happened to me. The heavy, cold stone in my chest was replaced. My spirit changed. I am not the same person I was a year ago, and that is a breath of fresh air.

I tried the self-help books and the therapy (which can be great!), but nothing changed until I opened the Word for myself. When I began to read the Bible, my spirit caught fire, and that light pushed the darkness out of the corners of my mind. The enemy couldn’t hide his whispers anymore.

Using Your Authority in Christ

The enemy still tries his old tricks. He still tries to push old, painful memories back into my mind to see if he can get a reaction. But now, I know who I am in Christ.

When those thoughts come, I take a deep breath and command him to leave in Jesus’ name. And he does. That is the power you have when you fully surrender to God! You don’t have to prove anything. You don’t need to have the “longest grudge.” Holding a grudge isn’t a “flex”—it’s a sign of a broken heart. LET. YOURSELF. HEAL.

Proverbs 4:23 tells us to guard our hearts because everything flows from it. Forgiveness is the ultimate way to guard your heart. It keeps the “well” of your soul clean so that what flows out is life, not poison.

Guarding Your Heart While Offering Grace

You might ask, “How can I forgive AND guard my heart at the same time?”

Think of your heart as the most expensive property you own. To guard it means to keep it pure and in constant communication with God. When you forgive, you are clearing out the “trash” so that grace and love have room to grow. You are saying, “I won’t let the enemy use this event to corrupt my character.”

If you keep the hurt inside, you aren’t guarding your heart; you’re imprisoning it. Offering forgiveness allows you to be free and happy again. It is the ultimate way to take back control of your life.

Conclusion: The Journey Continues

We’ve covered a lot today, but this is just the beginning of the journey on how to forgive someone who hurt you deeply. Don’t give up, my sweet friend. Forgiveness is a path to strength, not a sign of weakness. It is the key that unlocks the door to your future!

I’ll be publishing another part of this series soon to talk more about the specific “how-to” steps and how the enemy tries to keep you trapped in sin without you even realizing it.

Until then, do your homework. Get into the Word. Ask God to show you where your heart might be hardening. You are meant for freedom, not for the weight of the past!

Take the Next Step Toward Freedom

If you’re tired of the heavy weight in your chest and you’re ready to finally master how to forgive someone who hurt you deeply, I want to help you move from feeling stuck to feeling set free. Here is how we can stay connected:

• Listen on Spotify: For more deep dives into these scriptures and personal stories, subscribe to the Faithful and Feminine podcast. Listen while you drive, clean, or go for a walk, and let these truths sink into your spirit.
• Join the Conversation: I love hearing from you! Scroll down to the comments and let me know: What is one “weight” you are ready to hand over to God today? Let’s support each other in this community.
• Work With Me Individually: Sometimes, you need more than just a blog post—you need a roadmap. If you’re ready to do the deep “inner work” and realign your thoughts with God’s Word, I invite you to sign up for my Christian Mindset & Inner Work Coaching. Together, we’ll break through the mental barriers and wounds holding you back so you can step into the purpose God has for you.

I am praying that as you close this tab, you feel the peace of God beginning to stir in your heart. You don’t have to carry the past anymore. See you in the next post! GOD BLESS.