Feeling Unseen by God

I remember a time in my life where I felt not like God wasn’t listening to me when I prayed, but that He couldn’t even hear me. “How many people are praying right now?” I’d ask myself. “How is He supposed to hear you over all of those other voices; you’re nothing.” My self esteem was below the floor, and I couldn’t believe God would think I was worth listening to. Even if He wanted to, how could He? I felt like a tiny, singular grain of sand drifting along the ocean floor, unnoticed and unimportant in comparison to the others around me.

That time, which I am thankful to be out of and healed from, would’ve been made a lot easier if I actually knew the Word of God. I’d heard some wonderful stories about Him, His love, and His power, but I hadn’t picked up my Bible to read it for myself.

And I wouldn’t, until several years later.

The first time I did is honestly a time I can’t remember, but it shattered the chains that were holding me down, pulling me deeper and deeper into the darkness. I was set free, and I hadn’t even realized it yet.

What really freed me was when I decided to get baptized a few years later. I’d been baptized as a baby, but I wanted to do it out of my own choice, as a confession from me to Him. A way to lift my hands and say, “Here I am, Almighty Lord. Send me (Isaiah 6:8).” From that day, I have heard God speak to me on multiple occasions. He has answered my prayers with
swiftness, and when He hasn’t, He’s given me peace in knowing He is working. It’s been beautiful.

I genuinely feel like a completely different person after my baptism. And, people have noticed significant differences in me; my mindset, my light, my attitude, my love. Praise God for saving me, praise God for hearing me, and praise God for healing me.