Dealing With Toxic People

I’ve dealt with more toxic people than I can count on both of my hands and feet. I don’t mean toxic as in, “Oh, they’re just having a bad day.” I mean truly toxic people who are deep in the clutches of the enemy, being used as his pawn day in and day out without even realizing it. They’re the type of people who still manage to shock you with how ugly and nasty they can be, and how utterly selfish and delusional they are. They think they’re living freely, but they’re SO deeply trapped that they don’t even realize it. They simply can’t see it.

Before I get into the most recent toxic encounter I had, let me give a little backstory. There’s a lot to it, but I’ll do my best to sum it up so you have an idea of where I’m coming from, and just how much I’ve dealt with toxic people.

On September 20th, 2025, I married my best friend. He and I have been together for 6 years (it will be 7 years in May of 2026), and while the first two or three years were rough, rocky, and unstable, we’ve grown not only closer to one another, but closer to God, together. Hand in hand, we’ve strengthened our bond with Christ, and it’s led us into a healthier, stronger, loving relationship with one another. It wasn’t always like that, though. I need to give you some background context before I explain some of the recent events.

My Experience Dealing with Toxic People

I used to live in an extremely toxic and harmful household. I felt mentally exhausted and emotionally unstable. I hated my life, and I wanted out so bad I couldn’t see straight. I fought daily with my parents over lies my stepdad told, and he seemed to constantly try and get me in trouble while my mom took his side.

My now husband, on the other hand, had a nice home life. He rarely worried about what he’d face when he got home (if he ever did at all), and he and his parents had a strong relationship. Our lives were vastly different.

Before I moved to central Oklahoma, I lived in southeastern Oklahoma along the Red River. I had good friends there, and I loved them deeply. After my sister left home and my parents forced me to stop communicating with her (a crazy story for another time), I clung to my friends even tighter because they were all I had left.

But when we moved in 2017, those friendships shattered. I had to rebuild myself from the ground up, and my depression sank to an all-time low.

None of the girls at my new school liked me. They didn’t want to be friends—I was just “too weird” or “too country.” Heck, one girl in my class was even a vegetarian, which clashed hard with the fact that I liked to hunt and that my family killed our own meat.

Even if someone had wanted to be my friend, my parents’ strict rules would’ve kept me from going to their house, and I wouldn’t have let them come to mine because of my stepdad. I had already accepted that friendships outside of school weren’t an option, but now it felt like they weren’t possible at all.

Toxic Relationships: What I Learned the Hard Way

I lost 25 pounds the summer we moved to central Oklahoma in 2017. When my husband and I started dating a few years later in 2019, I began to idolize him.

After a fight with my parents in 2020, I had nowhere else to go, so I moved in with him. His parents welcomed me into their home, but the atmosphere completely shocked my system. They wanted to talk, to visit, and to hear about my day. I wasn’t used to that. I’d spent years hiding away in my room to avoid conflict—I didn’t like talking. That wasn’t the issue, though…

At first, things seemed to go well, but I kept uncovering lies and secrets in my relationship. Before long, the relationship started to feel like a prison. It grew rocky, untrustworthy, and—yep—toxic. We both knew it needed to end, but since I lived there, neither of us knew how to handle it.

That uncertainty led to major problems—and yes, I did get cheated on. The relationship had ended in everything but name. We didn’t know how to say it out loud. Part of us wondered if ending it was even possible while we still lived under the same roof. Outwardly, we still wore the label of a couple. But behind closed doors, we were falling apart and using each other to fill the void. We were both lonely, and although a relationship wasn’t working, we were each others friends.

We made big mistakes. That’s just the hard truth. I should’ve moved out and kept my distance while he worked things out. We both could’ve handled things differently.

But now, I can talk about it without fear—because by the grace of God, we are no longer those people. Those sins have been acknowledged, forgiven, and washed away.

Dealing with Toxic People Recently

All of those events are in the past, forgiven, learned from, and let go—as they should be. We know where we went wrong, and we’ve grown like crazy together since rekindling our relationship. I mean, it’s obvious enough, isn’t it; we’re now married!

But, one of the groomsmen introduced my spouse and I—not to our willingness (and not directly introduced, but you’ll catch my drift in a moment)—to a disgustingly toxic person he started a digital relationship with a year ago and just met in person three months ago.

I won’t give all of the details, but this girl he’s with is extremely toxic. He’s come to me time and time again to vent about her behavior toward him, and I’ve told him as much. It’s a real concern!

She managed to convince him to quit his business and move states away to live with her and her baby. She says he has that “responsibility”. Their relationship is unhealthy, and I—along with all of his other friends—are worried about his wellbeing.

At our rehearsal dinner, he chugged four vodka-sprites back to back. My husband had to cut him off, telling the waitress not to serve him another one. He later went and passed out at the hotel, not moving until the morning. Then, in the rush of the day, he skipped out on drinking the water he so desperately needed for hydration.

This, unsurprisingly, resulted in him getting a little too warm and lightheaded during the ceremony. I mean, to the point he went down—yeah…

He passed out.

Toxic People Can Be Spiritually Dangerous

This was not an issue until the groomsman who passed out ignored his new girlfriend. She found out about his passing out, and from there, began messaging me. She was angry we didn’t stop the wedding for him.

The groomsmen in question was ignoring his own girlfriend because he was “tired” and “didn’t feel good.” He didn’t want to deal with it; who would? The groomsmen instead decided his best course of action would be to give her our phone numbers (since I blocked her socially) while he slept. This was barely 4 hours after the wedding.

She first messaged me asking why me and my “cheating” fiancé didn’t stop our wedding when her boyfriend passed out. Mind you, neither of us realized what happened until he was already seated and looking around. We had 4 medical professionals in attendance, so we weren’t worried if they weren’t. We all knew he’d gotten too drunk the night prior and was then just dehydrated and too hot, and probably also locked his knees.

Overcoming The Toxicity

I don’t tell this story to badger anyone, but to bring light to the disgusting mindsets of some people. Somewhere along the line, our groomsmen thought it wise to tell his new girlfriend (who already hated me) about the rocky relationship my husband and I once had years prior.

Why he even felt it necessary, I don’t know. Probably because Christians are usually the only ones to let go of the past, and he simple couldn’t understand that. We know once we repent and allow God to change us, there is no need to let our history hold us back any longer. This is another reason why keeping CHRISTIAN FRIENDS is important.

This woman, who knows nothing about me aside from what she’s been told, used our past against me as a weapon. And I mean me, because she seemed to actually be fond of my husband in a way. She called me ugly, and said she didn’t blame him for cheating on me because she would, too. She even threatened me and said she knew where I lived and would show up.

Now, if I were who I used to be, I would’ve lit a fire under her. The Southern Baptist in me would’ve lost her mind, being relentless. I wouldn’t have done it without her first attacking, but I would’ve then stooped down to her level and been nasty in return. But praise God, the Holy Spirit is within me, and I didn’t stoop to her level!

What I Recommend for You

It was one of those moments where I knew—truly knew—that I wasn’t who I used to be. The old me would have seen her threat and her words as an invitation to fight fire with fire. But the woman I am today saw it for what it truly was. It was a cry for control, a tantrum of toxicity, and a situation I didn’t need to give my peace to.

That moment — and honestly, that whole experience — reminded me of something I read not long ago that changed how I look at people like her and situations like this. It’s from a book you’ve likely seen me posting about if you follow me on Instagram. It’s called: When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People by Gary Thomas.

Let me tell you — if you’ve ever struggled with toxic relationships, whether it’s friends, family, or even someone on the periphery of your life trying to drag you into drama that isn’t yours, this book is a must-read!

Thomas doesn’t just give helpful advice. He uses Scripture to show that even Jesus walked away from certain people — and He was perfect — meaning sometimes, walking away is actually the Holy thing to do!

Not every conflict is ours to fix. Not every person is ours to save or heal. Not every relationship is worth your energy. This is especially true if it’s pulling you away from your purpose. Your purpose, peace, and spiritual walk come first.

If any part of my story resonated with you, and you’re navigating a similar season, I highly recommend picking up this book!! I’ll drop the link below (affiliate link, which helps support my page at no extra cost to you):

When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People.

I genuinely loved this book, to the point I even highlighted a lot of passages. I genuinely hope you’ll give it a read if you have any toxic people in your life that you’re dealing with, because it can help you deal with those unpleasant people in a healing, holy way.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. Thank you for holding space for this story — one that carries pain, growth, forgiveness, and redemption. Maybe you’ve walked through something similar. Maybe you’re walking through it right now. If so, I want you to know you are not alone. You are never too far gone for God to restore, rebuild, and redeem.

Healing isn’t always pretty. Growth can be painful. And walking away from toxic people—especially those we once loved—can feel like tearing out a part of ourselves. But I promise you, choosing peace, truth, and spiritual health is worth it every time.

If you’re wrestling with knowing when to walk away, or how to let go of toxic influences in your life, I can’t recommend Gary Thomas’s book When to Walk Away enough. It was a game-changer for me, and I believe it could be for you too!